1 00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,403 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,443 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,679 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:18,083 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:21,403 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:23,032 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,690 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:29,794 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,969 We now return to Star Trek: Creep Space Nine. 11 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,329 Ah! She saw us! Warp speed! 12 00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:48,758 Hey, you guys, you know that song 13 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,048 Jimmy Crack Corn? 14 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,095 Yeah, it's me and Lois' wedding song. What about it? 15 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,264 Well, the whole time the guy's saying 16 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,754 he doesn't care that, uh, 17 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:57,968 this Jimmy fella cracked the corn, 18 00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:00,259 but yet he wrote an entire song about it. 19 00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,794 Cared enough to put pen to paper. 20 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,741 Are you on vacation? I am. 21 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,298 Here's those fries you ordered. 22 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,016 And your hot sauce. 23 00:01:08,085 --> 00:01:10,585 Hot sauce? On fries? Mmm-hmm. 24 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,689 Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything, 25 00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:15,835 on account of most of us been pepper-sprayed 26 00:01:15,859 --> 00:01:17,192 by the time we're two. 27 00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:20,145 Can't taste nothing unless you got that burn on there. 28 00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:21,513 This stuff ain't that hot. 29 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:23,882 Whoo! 30 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,284 I feel like I'm crying, 31 00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,318 but, like, out of my neck and back. 32 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,436 There it is! 33 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,149 If you ain't sweating, you ain't eating. 34 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,472 Look at his face. 35 00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,992 He looks like Oliver Platt climbing a flight of stairs. 36 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:37,662 Hey! That's a low blow. I'm gonna call the network and complain. 37 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,532 - Where's the phone? - It's upstairs, Oliver! 38 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,529 Ah, they know what they did. 39 00:01:42,553 --> 00:01:44,564 Tell you what, Peter. I'll give you 10 bucks 40 00:01:44,588 --> 00:01:45,831 if you drink an entire shot glass 41 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:46,999 of that hot sauce. 42 00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,056 Let me see the money. 43 00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:49,852 You don't believe I have $10? 44 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:52,177 I think he's afraid. Am not! 45 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,445 Prove it. Ten bucks. 46 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,613 All right. 47 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:56,080 This is for all the teachers 48 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,150 who told me I'd never amount to nothing. 49 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,189 Oh, my God! 50 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,763 That last one was more caliente than hot. 51 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,165 But still, holy crap! 52 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,549 Well, here's your money. 53 00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:16,218 This is awesome! 54 00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:19,254 I can get people to pay me ten bucks just for doing stupid stuff? 55 00:02:19,323 --> 00:02:22,491 Man, I haven't made money this easy since I invented the Yanket! 56 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,859 Peter, what's wrong? 57 00:02:23,927 --> 00:02:26,795 Well, I want to masturbate, but I'm just so darn cold. 58 00:02:26,864 --> 00:02:29,431 Too bad there's no answer for that problem. 59 00:02:29,499 --> 00:02:30,666 But now there is. 60 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,234 Hi, I'm Peter Griffin, creator of the Yanket. 61 00:02:33,303 --> 00:02:34,514 If you're anything like me, 62 00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:36,115 the number-one problem in your life 63 00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:38,106 is that you can't masturbate just anywhere. 64 00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:39,841 But now you can. 65 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,509 Introducing the Yanket, 66 00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:44,212 the only blanket with built-in decoy arms. 67 00:02:44,281 --> 00:02:46,932 Our patented process makes it look like you're... 68 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,617 Or sipping a beer. 69 00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:51,786 Meanwhile, your real hands are under the blanket, 70 00:02:51,855 --> 00:02:53,672 going to town. 71 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,973 Peter, what are you doing? Nothing. 72 00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,143 Let's watch a Scarlett Johansson movie. 73 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,577 But wait, there's more! 74 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,324 We have Yankets for all occasions. 75 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,331 Hey, what's going on under that blanket? 76 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,871 You'll never know. 77 00:03:16,513 --> 00:03:17,545 All right, you guys. 78 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,147 I will now do anything for $10. 79 00:03:19,215 --> 00:03:20,259 Who's got something for me? 80 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,327 I got one. 81 00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,562 I'll give you 10 bucks if you wear 82 00:03:22,586 --> 00:03:24,130 the same pair of underwear for a month. 83 00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:25,787 Pay up. 84 00:03:25,856 --> 00:03:28,001 Actually, you owe me $20. Ew. 85 00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:29,803 Here's $50, go change your underwear. 86 00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:31,510 It won't come off! 87 00:03:35,399 --> 00:03:37,532 Hey, Peter, you want to earn another 10 bucks? 88 00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:38,645 Course I do. 89 00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:39,901 Great, I got a hilarious one. 90 00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:42,737 I'll give you $10 for your L4 vertebrae. 91 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,993 So, uh, I guess this means 92 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,329 Peter, you're our Joe now, 93 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,563 and Joe, you're our Peter. 94 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,476 That means you got to do anything for 10 bucks. 95 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,800 Okay. I have a request. 96 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,769 Yay! Joe's chin! 97 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:06,678 Hey, Peter, I just thought of something else you could do for 10 bucks. 98 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,358 Yeah, you know what? 99 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:12,117 I'm... Think I'm gonna... I'm upping my price to $12.50. 100 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,686 No, you... No, you're locked in at $10. 101 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,256 Yeah, no renegotiating! 102 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,757 God, it was a joke. 103 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,593 Shut... Just point me to the thing. 104 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,129 All right, we're gonna open this fire hydrant 105 00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:27,866 and you're gonna drink as much water from it as you can. 106 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,701 Chris has Crohn's disease. 107 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,287 Get down there. Don't tell us that now. 108 00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:39,394 I think this is how Anna Nicole Smith died. 109 00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:40,695 Don't make light of that. 110 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:50,071 Holy crap! We got to get out of here! 111 00:04:51,108 --> 00:04:53,308 Aw, man, the library. 112 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,195 White Fang? 113 00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,864 This is for ruining my eighth-grade summer! 114 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,678 Ah! 115 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,981 He ruined my summer, too. 116 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,435 Oh, hey, Bri. Still sitting in chairs, huh? 117 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,036 What'd your back ever do to you? 118 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,100 I'm trying to watch. 119 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,128 Know what I'm watching? My core. 120 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,757 Your body and mind are supposed to be on the same team. 121 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,119 Sitting on the hard floor's good for your back, too. 122 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,339 Coming up, female high school teacher sleeps with her students. 123 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,208 Is she hot? Stay tuned. 124 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:46,277 But first, the public library suffered damage this evening 125 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,825 when an area fat man smashed through the front of the building 126 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,749 while attempting a drunken stunt. 127 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:53,185 The bus station is expected to absorb the overflow 128 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,053 of homeless armpit-washing ladies. 129 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,339 Oh, God. 130 00:05:57,407 --> 00:05:59,447 Peter, is there something you want to tell me? 131 00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:01,676 Ah, yeah, every light in the house is on. 132 00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:03,456 Did you destroy the library? 133 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,914 Did I destroy the library? 134 00:06:05,983 --> 00:06:07,849 No, Lois. That was television. 135 00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:09,746 In light of events at the library, 136 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,650 we now go live to a press conference at the mayor's residence. 137 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,822 Good evening, Quahog. 138 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,157 I'm here tonight with the deputy mayor. 139 00:06:16,226 --> 00:06:17,226 Hi, everybody! 140 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,511 Shut up. 141 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:22,097 Anyway, these types of immature, 142 00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:24,633 drunken hijinks are destroying our town. 143 00:06:24,701 --> 00:06:29,237 And if we can't trust a 42-year-old man to drink responsibly, 144 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,773 then I have no choice but to take action. 145 00:06:31,842 --> 00:06:33,141 So, as mayor of Quahog, 146 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:37,028 I hereby raise the town's legal drinking age to 50. 147 00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:39,464 What? I can't drink anymore? 148 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,765 What am I gonna do? 149 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,434 What do people do who don't drink? 150 00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,868 I don't know. Knit? 151 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,237 "Knit"? Knit? 152 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,689 Are you kidding me? Maybe. 153 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:51,876 Um... Okay, so it turns out I am, like, crazy good at knitting. 154 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,328 Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker. 155 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,586 It's day three of Quahog's new ban 156 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,822 on alcohol for anybody under 50. 157 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,591 And if there's one thing the new drinking age law has done, 158 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,160 it's let us know that women tell terrible stories. 159 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,006 Good to see your eyes open, Tom. 160 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:14,298 For more on this story, we now go to Tricia Takanawa. Tricia? 161 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,469 Joyce, I'm standing here on the streets of Quahog, 162 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,497 where citizens are feeling the effects 163 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,422 of the city's new drinking law. 164 00:07:21,491 --> 00:07:23,842 I was going to bone my girlfriend, 165 00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:28,013 but she told me that if there wasn't vanilla vodka involved, 166 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,998 there was no way. 167 00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:32,967 I think we just have to trust our elected officials 168 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,870 and Goldman's Pharmacy is fully stocked on cough syrup, 169 00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:38,005 which goes great with ginger ale. 170 00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:39,691 Well, I do miss drinking, 171 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,371 but I have used the time to reconnect with my children 172 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,713 and I'm actually thinking about resuming my actuarial practice. 173 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,366 Oh, my God, he's just been drunk this whole time? 174 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,851 This new law sucks. 175 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,797 And I got to say, it was kind of uncool 176 00:07:51,821 --> 00:07:53,683 of Mayor West to call it "Peter's Law." 177 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:57,125 No kidding. Now I know how Megan from Megan's Law felt. 178 00:07:57,194 --> 00:07:59,427 I don't think you know how she felt. 179 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,728 I don't know why I didn't think of this before, guys. 180 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,865 We'll just go into the brewery after hours and take some beer. 181 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,783 Hey, buddy. It's okay, I work here. 182 00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,907 Aren't you the guy who cried in that meeting? 183 00:08:12,976 --> 00:08:15,054 You know, I just remembered, 184 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,512 there's no beer here, let's just go. 185 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,617 Peter, why'd you want me to get us into this prison? 186 00:08:22,685 --> 00:08:24,496 Because, Joe, everyone knows that 187 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,133 all prisoners make bootleg wine in their toilet. 188 00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:29,102 We are gonna get so wasted! 189 00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:32,206 Oh, look, right here. This one's full of Chardonnay. 190 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:33,906 Peter, I don't think that's... 191 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,730 But it was Chardonnay. 192 00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:38,633 The best Chardonnay I'd ever had in my life. 193 00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:41,636 The man who made it, Curtis "Murder Dog" Williams, 194 00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:44,939 went on to become one of America's most celebrated vintners. 195 00:08:45,008 --> 00:08:47,742 Hey, Joe here. Peter's lying. He drank pee-pee. 196 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,960 Don't worry, guys. If we can't buy alcohol in Quahog, 197 00:08:53,984 --> 00:08:56,265 we'll just go to the next town over. 198 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,516 Sorry, in this town, you can only buy alcohol 199 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,300 if you're dressed head-to-toe in jeans. 200 00:09:01,324 --> 00:09:02,640 What? Who made that law? 201 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,292 Our mayor, Jay Leno. 202 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,823 Have you seen some of these laws they've got now about denim? 203 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:10,515 You know, I say, if you don't like it, you may as well Levi's. 204 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,384 Who's voting for these mayors? 205 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,002 Rhode Island's a mess from top to bottom. 206 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,604 I tell you, guys, getting alcohol when you're underage 207 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,961 isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look. 208 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,130 What? Is that true? I don't know. 209 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,599 Hey, isn't that your dog at the bar? 210 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,372 Hey, Jerome, one more, neat. 211 00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:35,223 What the hell? Why's Jerome serving booze to Brian? 212 00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:37,391 I don't know, but I'm gonna find out. 213 00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:38,893 Come here, boy! Come on! 214 00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:40,639 Hey, what's up? We going for a ride in the car? 215 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,275 No, no, I had a question for you. 216 00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:45,934 Don't ever fucking do that unless you have a car ride to offer. 217 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,413 How come you're allowed to drink? 218 00:09:47,437 --> 00:09:48,580 Yeah, you're not 50. 219 00:09:48,604 --> 00:09:51,823 Actually, I am. I'm 56 in dog years. 220 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:54,192 Oh! Is that why you got white pubic hair? 221 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,527 I'll thank you not to check out my pubic hair. 222 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,274 Well, then don't go flashing it around. 223 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,498 Put on some underpants, you crazy old man. 224 00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,650 Peter, I think you're missing the point. 225 00:10:02,719 --> 00:10:04,836 Brian can buy us booze. 226 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,115 Oh, my God, you're right! 227 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,700 Would you do that for us, Brian? 228 00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,757 Sure, why not? Oh, thank God. 229 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,437 'Cause just sitting here all sober 230 00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:13,511 is more boring than watching a pot boil. 231 00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,474 Hey, you. What are you doing? 232 00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:16,698 I like to watch. 233 00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:17,966 I want to watch you boil. 234 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,594 I can't do it with you watching. 235 00:10:19,635 --> 00:10:21,369 Oh, not even if I do this? 236 00:10:21,438 --> 00:10:23,904 Don't do that! Oh, God, that's so hot. 237 00:10:23,973 --> 00:10:26,541 Oh, yeah? Then why don't I take your top off? 238 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,310 Oh! Oh. I'm boiling! I'm boiling! 239 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:32,346 Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick my raw pasta in you. 240 00:10:32,415 --> 00:10:33,926 Peter, what's going on in there? 241 00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,500 Making dinner, babe. 242 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:37,101 ♪ Brass Monkey 243 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,837 ♪ That funky Monkey 244 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,422 ♪ Brass Monkey junkie 245 00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,791 ♪ That funky Monkey 246 00:10:43,859 --> 00:10:46,411 ♪ Brass ♪ Got this dance that's more than real 247 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,291 ♪ Drink Brass Monkey Here's how you feel 248 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,498 ♪ Put your left leg down Your right leg up 249 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,511 ♪ Tilt your head back Let's finish the cup 250 00:10:52,535 --> 00:10:53,695 ♪ M.C.A. with the bottle 251 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:54,919 ♪ D rocks the can 252 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,549 ♪ Ad-Rock gets nice with Charlie Chan 253 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,738 ♪ We're offered Moet 254 00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:59,157 ♪ We don't mind Chivas 255 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,803 ♪ Wherever we go, we bring the Monkey with us 256 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:01,870 ♪ Ad-Rock drinks three 257 00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,144 ♪ Mike D is D 258 00:11:03,213 --> 00:11:04,724 ♪ Double R foots the bill most definitely 259 00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:06,881 ♪ I drink Brass Monkey and I rock well 260 00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,794 ♪ I got a castle in Brooklyn That's where I dwell 261 00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:10,118 ♪ Brass Monkey ♪ 262 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,239 Hey, hey, Brian, Brian. 263 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,052 How would you like to build, 264 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:20,177 build a deck right now with your buddy? 265 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,114 'Cause we got hammers, the whole deal. 266 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,182 I don't know, man. It's pretty dark out. 267 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,463 That's okay. I'll just pull my car around 268 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,231 and point the headlights at it. 269 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:33,224 Did you know that my dad once called me "a mistake"? 270 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:35,894 That's messed up, man. Wow! 271 00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,996 You know, Brian, hanging out with you 272 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,092 this past week has been awesome. 273 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,233 Yeah, why don't we do this anymore? 274 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:45,369 We used to do fun stuff all the time, you know? 275 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,038 It used to be you and me. 276 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,707 And it always will be, pal. 277 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,142 Hey, listen, listen. 278 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,845 I want you to be Meg's godfather. 279 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,749 No, thanks, Peter. But this here, we got to keep this going. 280 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,483 I agree, buddy, I agree. 281 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:03,837 All right, I'm gonna go barf down the garbage disposal. 282 00:12:03,906 --> 00:12:06,436 Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, 283 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:07,770 but we all got to work together. 284 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,472 Oh, my God! Are you drunk again? 285 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,564 Yeah, I was just hanging out with my main man, Peter. 286 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,300 "Main man"? "Hanging out"? 287 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,435 Brian, he's only using you to buy alcohol! 288 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,037 What? What are... What are you, what are you talking about? 289 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,952 It hasn't dawned on you that he only started spending time with you 290 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,420 when the drinking age was raised? 291 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,244 Come on, that's, that's not true. 292 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,848 Ah, shoot, I puked in the clean dishes' side. 293 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,129 Trust me, as soon as you're no longer of use to him, 294 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,230 he'll be done with you. 295 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,453 Oh, I get it, I get it. 296 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,021 Okay, you're... 297 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,168 You're jealous 'cause I'm spending all my time with Peter. 298 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,570 Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. 299 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:43,261 Yeah, where's my dumb, morbidly obese friend? 300 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,907 Hey, Stewie, get in here! 301 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,432 I'm being an '80s computer hacker! 302 00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:50,468 Come on, baby, show me what you got. 303 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,670 And we are in! 304 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:53,939 All right, I'd better go. 305 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,790 I got to go tell him "This isn't a game, man." 306 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,792 Brian, do you have any idea why Peter 307 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,672 was trying to climb in the dishwasher? 308 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,875 I thought it was a Tokyo apartment. 309 00:13:02,899 --> 00:13:06,334 Sorry, Lois, we... I guess we had a little too much to drink. 310 00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:09,270 "To drink"? It's against the law for him to do that! 311 00:13:09,339 --> 00:13:10,771 Was Stewie in here? 312 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,508 Was he in here? I smell his cologne. 313 00:13:13,576 --> 00:13:16,144 Listen to me, Brian. No more booze in this house. 314 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,312 You're gonna get us all in trouble. 315 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:22,183 Peter, maybe we should find someplace else to drink. 316 00:13:22,252 --> 00:13:23,951 Yeah, I think you're right. 317 00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,755 Hi, we're here from the '80s FBI. 318 00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:32,159 Somebody here with a 2,400-baud modem almost started World War III. 319 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,948 Oh, sounds like they're making an escape. 320 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,729 Hey, you want to see me run up that slide? 321 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,785 Sure. 322 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:48,559 Oh, damn it! I think my belt buckle cut my gut! 323 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,962 Hey, Peter, can I ask you something? 324 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,441 You're not just hanging out with me 325 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,799 because I can buy you alcohol, right? 326 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,046 What? 'Course not. We're friends. 327 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,253 Yeah, no, I know. That's what I thought. 328 00:13:59,322 --> 00:14:01,250 And also you bring me dead birds. 329 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,751 I know Lois gets mad about it, 330 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,854 but I like using them to point at things. 331 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,138 Hey, did they move the bagels? 332 00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:07,206 Yeah, they're right there. 333 00:14:07,230 --> 00:14:09,074 Oh, my God! What the hell is that? 334 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,732 This? This is a pointing bird. 335 00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,345 All right, I just saw a sprinkler come on, 336 00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:15,289 so I'm gonna go bite at the water a little bit. 337 00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:18,872 Hey, what's going on here? 338 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,542 Ah, some butthorn's shining a flashlight on me. 339 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:24,290 I meant prior to me coming up and investigating this. 340 00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:26,213 Well, you got to be clearer, man. I'm wasted. 341 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,482 Sir, I'm gonna need to see some I.D. You look underage. 342 00:14:30,053 --> 00:14:31,863 Just as I suspected. You're a minor. 343 00:14:31,887 --> 00:14:33,287 It ain't my fault! 344 00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:35,034 Somebody's been buying it for me and all my friends! 345 00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,101 Oh, is that right? 346 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,403 Well, you better tell me who that is 347 00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:38,687 or you're in a lot of trouble. 348 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,662 Hey, is this the park where Boner died? 349 00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:42,229 Wait, what's going on? 350 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,376 That's him, Officer! That's who's been buying us the booze! 351 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,400 What? You get home, son. 352 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,213 You're lucky I'm letting you off with a warning. 353 00:14:48,237 --> 00:14:49,581 But you, you're coming with me. 354 00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,705 You got to be kidding! Do you need a ride? 355 00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:54,086 I'm just gonna stay here until the sun comes up 356 00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,171 and then be the best at tetherball. 357 00:14:58,831 --> 00:14:59,831 Next! 358 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,505 What are you in for? 359 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,020 I bought some alcohol for someone I thought was my friend. 360 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,610 How about you? 361 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,212 I threw a bottle of rum through the window of the Apple Store. 362 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,949 I couldn't remember me password. 363 00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,117 Well, this sucks. Oh, it's not so bad. 364 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,220 Sometimes they let you take the good trash home if you ask nice. 365 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:25,456 Last week, I got an old greeting card. 366 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:28,659 It obviously wasn't for me, but the imagination's a hell of a thing. 367 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,941 Hey, Brian, what time you get off? 368 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,342 Me and the guys were hoping you could buy us some more beer. 369 00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:35,399 You can't be serious. 370 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,701 It's a little bit serious. 371 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,480 Yeah, I haven't been drunk in a day 372 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,115 and I'm not feeling particularly handsome. 373 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,689 Peter, you're the reason I'm here! 374 00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:43,491 You totally sold me out to that cop! 375 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,554 Oh, are we just gonna play the blame game? 376 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,522 'Cause I got another game I'd rather play. 377 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:48,813 Boggle. 378 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,598 Go to hell! You used me. That's not what friends do. 379 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,412 It's what Adam Sandler's friends do. 380 00:15:53,436 --> 00:15:55,676 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a half a can 381 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,516 of hot beer left in this open container 382 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,351 I've been driving around with. 383 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,197 You, too, pig. 384 00:16:06,249 --> 00:16:08,293 Well, I'm not the smartest man in the world, 385 00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:11,753 but I can always look back on my life and say I went for it. 386 00:16:11,821 --> 00:16:14,666 Ugh! This seems like a weird place to even use a condom. 387 00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:16,758 Just shut up, Peter. I'm done with you, all right? 388 00:16:16,826 --> 00:16:18,938 You completely lied about why you were hanging out with me. 389 00:16:18,962 --> 00:16:20,294 What? I never lie. 390 00:16:20,363 --> 00:16:22,930 Well, except for that one time. 391 00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:25,343 Oh, my God! My husband's having a heart attack! 392 00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,568 Is anyone here a doctor? 393 00:16:27,637 --> 00:16:29,570 I have a 13-inch penis! 394 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,520 And besides, I'm sick of you acting like you're such a victim. 395 00:16:34,544 --> 00:16:35,788 You agreed to buy us booze, 396 00:16:35,812 --> 00:16:36,922 'cause we weren't old enough. 397 00:16:36,946 --> 00:16:38,111 You're not old enough? 398 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:39,747 You're a man in his 40s! 399 00:16:39,816 --> 00:16:41,515 This whole law is ridiculous! 400 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,283 Hey, can one of you guys with elbows 401 00:16:43,352 --> 00:16:44,785 try to get this truck to honk? 402 00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:52,876 Ah! That and giving noogies is what I miss most about having elbows. 403 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:55,324 You know, Brian, what you said is right. 404 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,580 This law is stupid. 405 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:57,726 I mean, if it weren't for that, 406 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,978 we never would've been in this fight. 407 00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:00,867 Yeah, but what difference does it make? 408 00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,686 It's the law. Nothing we can do about it. 409 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,371 The hell there's not. 410 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:07,219 I bet if we worked together we could find a way to change it back. 411 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,876 I don't know, Peter. 412 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,323 Come on, I know it seems hard, we can't just give up. 413 00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:13,575 I mean, what if Thomas Edison had given up? 414 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,861 Uh... What's that? What's that thing you're working on? 415 00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:17,696 Well, it's a lightbulb and... A lightbulb! 416 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,598 Lightbulb! Yeah, I invented that. 417 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,723 Me! I'm Thomas Edison. I invented the lightbulb. 418 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:23,902 What's it do? 419 00:17:23,926 --> 00:17:25,592 It lights up a room using electrical... 420 00:17:25,662 --> 00:17:28,062 Lights up a room using electrical stuff! 421 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:31,465 I was about to say that, because I invented it! 422 00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:32,711 What are you working on? 423 00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:33,901 It's a phonograph... 424 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:37,038 Phonograph! I knew that, 'cause I invented it. 425 00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:39,439 I'm Thomas Edison. I rule! 426 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,477 Okay, Peter, I know how we can get the law changed. 427 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,778 I've been doing some research, 428 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,362 and it says here that in eight months, 429 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,971 we can get a non-binding proposition on the ballot 430 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,960 as long as we get 4,000 signatures. 431 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,886 Ah, screw that, we're going with plan B... 432 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,555 Threaten to kill the mayor's nephew. 433 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,245 I love you, Dad! 434 00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:02,480 Peter, that's your son. 435 00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,198 Shut up, Brian! He's hugging me! 436 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,072 So, what exactly is your plan, here? 437 00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,100 You'll see. Just follow my lead. 438 00:18:14,711 --> 00:18:16,744 Ooh! Trick-or-treaters! 439 00:18:16,813 --> 00:18:18,323 Well, what do we have here? 440 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,816 A cowboy and a princess? Uh... 441 00:18:21,884 --> 00:18:23,884 Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Mayor. 442 00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:26,704 Oh! A Western princess! 443 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,351 All right, listen, we want that drinking law gone. 444 00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,187 And everybody knows the best way to get any law struck down 445 00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,956 is to get the gays angry about it. 446 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,313 Bruce? Jeffrey? 447 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,382 That's right, Mr. Mayor! I needs my Proseccos! 448 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,718 What are you talking about? You're 52. 449 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,953 You said you was 39! 450 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,722 I was just trying to get you in bed. 451 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,274 I thought we'd both be dead by now. 452 00:18:47,342 --> 00:18:50,077 Crap. But come on, you got to change that law! 453 00:18:50,146 --> 00:18:51,690 I mean, it's already ruined a friendship 454 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,225 with one of the best guys I know! 455 00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,249 Adam, who's at the door? 456 00:18:55,318 --> 00:18:58,385 Oh, hi, Brian. Hi, Peter. 457 00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:01,589 Wait a minute. Is that... Is that wine? 458 00:19:01,657 --> 00:19:04,653 Yeah, Adam just poured me a little before dinner. 459 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,010 Wow! You guys eat late. 460 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,344 No, Peter, don't you see? 461 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,745 Carol's underage, too! 462 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,198 The mayor just broke his own law! 463 00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,367 Mmm. That's a good point. 464 00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,836 I guess I'll just have to resign in scandal 465 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,783 while leaving the law intact. 466 00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,274 Or you could just change the law. 467 00:19:20,342 --> 00:19:21,726 But it's a good law. 468 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,461 No, it ain't! 469 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,275 Look, don't you understand what drinking means to us working stiffs? 470 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,876 It helps us forget about our day 471 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,346 and tell our children we love 'em with a straight face. 472 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,937 It allows gross uggos to boof each other's gross uggo parts. 473 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,907 And it gives people the courage to sneak onto their mayor's property 474 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,793 and blackmail him and eat all his ripe tomatoes. 475 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,678 That was a croquet ball. 476 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,182 Ah, then could you point me to the closest nighttime dentist? 477 00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:48,252 So listen, Mr. Mayor, what do you say about that law? 478 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,499 All right, I'll repeal it. 479 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,443 But only if you send me and Carol a copy of that picture. 480 00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:56,159 We don't have a lot of the two of us together. 481 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,873 Brian, we did it! We got him to change the law! 482 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:01,376 Just goes to show, if anybody wants a law changed, 483 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,851 they should just go to their mayor's house. 484 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,804 Hey, I, uh... I appreciate what you said there about our friendship. 485 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,373 Well, to be honest, Brian, 486 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,842 at first I did just want you to buy us beer. 487 00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:14,155 But then the more we were hanging out, 488 00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:16,847 I remembered how much fun we used to have together. 489 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,393 I guess after all these years, 490 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,429 I started taking you for granted. 491 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,464 But you're still my best friend. 492 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,366 Even if I don't always act like it. 493 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:28,793 I enjoyed hanging out with you, too. Thanks, Peter. 494 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,806 Hey, on your way out, could you put this 495 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,908 in my mailbox for the mailman? 496 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,999 Uh, sure. Put the flag up? 497 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,879 Of course put the flag up! 498 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,903 Jeez, mail much? 499 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,627 Well, Peter, I'm just happy that you and Brian 500 00:20:46,695 --> 00:20:48,273 managed to get that law repealed, 501 00:20:48,297 --> 00:20:49,808 and that you're finally friends again. 502 00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:52,699 Me, too, Lois. Good to have my drinking buddy back. 503 00:20:52,768 --> 00:20:55,736 Yay! Everybody's happy! 504 00:20:55,804 --> 00:20:59,073 I love this family! 505 00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:02,192 I draped that over him. He was just doing it out in the open.